the gift of an ordinary moment

in my head, i'm quite the domestic goddess around the house, an organized martha stewart, if you will, and a healthy version of paula deen in the kitchen.  like i said, in my head.  my head doesn't always play out in real life.  life is messy.  i've mentioned that a time or twenty.

truthfully, i try.  but i tire of spinning so many plates.  a few of them, self-inflicted, i'm sure.  so much to do, so little of me to go around.  that's where i stand in this season of motherhood.  chances are, you know where i'm coming from.

a friend of mine asked my soon-to-be-thirteen-year-old (excuse me whilst i have an i'm-not-ready-for-my-girls-to-grow-up-tantrum) what we did over spring break.  my sweet girl told my friend that we cleaned.  and did schoolwork.

nice.

laughing, i walked up and reminded her that we only had theater and schoolwork this past week.  evenings were completely free for playtime since all dance classes & piano/voice was cancelled.

maybe we could take more breaks if we were not involved in theater, dance lessons, competition, piano/voice lessons, music guild, etc.  but the girls really don't want to give up any of their passions; therefore, some schoolwork must be seized during hours our public school friends might be on break.

i'm so glad mama is here to remind them how much fun they get to have each week. ;)

oh, i kid.  when asked, the girls will tell you that they love us.
and we have fun. 

sometimes, when distracted with my many spinning plates, i need a gentle nudge...
to just breath
and take in the moment.
i'm sharing one of those tissue-inducing nudges with you here...

after wiping my teary eyes, mama closed up shop.  reading could wait till the afternoon on this particular day.  

making a spontaneously-fun moment would come first.  they grow up so quickly.

getting our studies in is certainly important.
absolutely.
but not more important than appreciating life with those we love. 

to prove how dedicated i was, i even left the nikon at home.
this was truly about quality time, not quality of pix.
sometimes, the iphone captures the best moments.

(we called this our tree in the trail. ;)

may you and your family collect more fun-filled memories,
and guilt-free-parenting-plate-spinning.
because... well... life happens.
yo.

simply thankful

my mantra last year, 2012, was supposed to be simplify... i heard that snicker.
i had good intentions.  really.  in motherhood, though, i think we can all agree that things get complicated.  it's a title that makes us feel as if we're running in circles, all the while hoping we are going somewhere rewarding.  which, i'm sure, we are.

let's be completely honest for a moment.  maybe you've pinned 379 projects on your pinterest board during insomnia spells, but by a realistic day's end, you're thinking that the fact that you've kept the children alive, schooled, relatively fed, and somewhat clean is quite the accomplishment, right? 

i'm right there with ya.

so, where have i been these past months?  {has it really been that long?  geesh.}  well... i've been fully engrossed in the lives of a busy hubby and 2 purdy girlies.   come day's end, my body literally hurts and the idea of putting 2 sentences together gives me a headache.  not to mention the fact that my kids are getting older and sometimes i think they might not want me talking about them on such a public forum forever, you know.

however... guess who's missed the ol' bloggy?  yep.  the girls.  {hi, girls!  mama is trying to make a come-back.  just don't pay attention to the improper grammar, mkay?}

sometimes, one needs to be reminded as to why one started a blog in the first place... without getting lured into the temptation to compare one's life with others online.  or feel obligated to market the blog for money making.  *sigh* 

i mean, honestly, how many truly genuine blogs reveal the good, the bad, and the ugly?

{this pic cracked. me. up.  obviously, hubs, nor i, held the remote for this pic.  hmmm...}

i asked my hubs how one would catch up on everything since one's last post??  he said, "you wouldn't.  just start from where you are now."  such a wise man.  nevertheless, he married a picture hoarder.  so, i might just try to go back and highlight a few memories.

however, today, i will simply post a thankful heart.

life gets messy.  crumbs gather under the table, endless mounds of laundry stockpile, uncomfortable conversations sometimes need to be had, the kitchen table gets flooded with junk mail, feathers get ruffled, life disappoints.

but, through it all, we have each other. 
that alone brings us joy. 
and even makes this mama thankful for the crumbs underneath the table.

someone i love put them there. 

so, we give these little people neck-pie.
because we love them much more than the crumbs.
then ask them to help clean up the mess. ;)

truth is, i kinda dig these people.

truth is, i started this post a month ago. 

truth is, i'm still striving for simple.
maybe the answer to simplifying is to simply find the joys in all of life's busy during the busy.

truth is, i've had many distractions this evening and now i'm too deliriously tired to proofread.  i apologize for any misspeltings.

{perspective}

i'm staring at the cursor, hoping for something to place words where these feelings lie.

where do i begin?  

i've mentioned a time or twenty that my husband and i served in the institutional church world for several years.  our last journey carried the title of senior pastor.  it's a position that no one can understand... unless you've literally walked in the shoes of that title.  i don't say that with a haughty spirit.  honestly, i've never been one to get caught up in titles.  they don't impress me.  i want to know the person behind the title.

as pastors, the highs were high and the lows were, well... low.  a couple of families who disagreed with the direction my husband was leading personally saw to that.  it was no secret.  most people knew there was something brewing behind the scenes.  said family's dad had even been labeled the 'don' of the church.  as if he were the god-father of god?

our 'resignation' mourned by several in our congregation - celebrated by a handful.  that hurt more than i could have ever imagined.  they were, at one time, like family to us.  even sharing holidays together.  tears came quickly for an entire year.  everything i knew was now unfamiliar.   

i also struggled with anger for an entire year.  that's the ugly part.  i know. i know...  turn the other cheek, do unto others, forgive if you want to be forgiven... i'd heard it all.  yet, this smile-n-nod pastor's wife had reached her breaking point.  through it all, my husband's only response was, "if vengeance needs to be taken, let it be the lord's."  i really wished the lord would have used me to do 'his' work that year.


then something happened.  after we rode a roller-coaster of emotions, our hearts softened.  we no longer felt anger, heart-wrenching hurt, or resentment.  i could drive by the church building without crying.

my identity in christ deepened more than this blinking cursor has vocabulary to explain.

while driving the mom-taxi, i saw him {the don} walk across the street near his business.  and it struck me.  hard.  he was a broken man.  truly, it takes a broken person to be so malevolent of someone.  i still believe that to this day.

this blog neglected to mention that we made it through the doorway of this church building we once pastored back in december, when invited by great friends to watch their christmas performance.  a bit unusual, i know.  but years had passed, and we were there to support our friends.  

surprisingly, there were enormous hugs from one of the few families that hurt us.  they cried tears, without words.  somehow, my heart interpreted them.  their hearts must have taken quite a journey since we saw them last.  we only had one icy stare. ironically, her husband was playing scrooge in the play.  i let it roll off of my back like water along feathers... because she, too, must be broken.

the 'don' and his family were not in attendance for this special service.  i sometimes wonder what his greeting to us would have been.  would his face hold the cheerful grin of victory it expressed when we made our grand exit?  or would he join a few others in a language of tears?  

today, he is mourning a loss.  a loss i would never wish on anyone.  his high-school sweetheart, and wife of many years, passed away last night of a sudden heart attack.  they were gearing up for their oldest granddaughter's bridal shower this weekend and celebrating the youngest graduating high-school this year.  this family is hurting... 

and i'm hurting deeply for them.


sometimes, life throws a curve-ball that puts priorities in perspective.  

perspective.  i've been thinking about that word a lot lately.  

complaining comes easy in this life when we focus on ourselves... but we've much to be thankful for, too.


it would be quite easy for me to focus solely on the fact that a gas station is going up right. behind. our. house.  actually, we are all quite bummed about that.  we were given the impression when we bought our house that the field behind us would remain just that. a field.

but... when i look for it, i can still find a beautiful sunset.  and appreciate a young tree the girls named "thumbelina" when newly planted.  



my mom doesn't have liver or breast cancer, as she thought might be the case.  that roller-coaster alone aged me this year.  especially after losing my step-dad last year. 

speaking of wrinkles... or crinkles... they seem to be picking up speed.  as deep as they run though, the stories they tell run deeper.  i think i'll keep them.  i think i don't have a choice.

my husband works a lot.  he doesn't teach the girls a homeschool subject, nor does he check my tank for gas each week.  but he is a hard worker; a tech-savvy, cool nerd.  he believes in and supports our homeschool by providing the funds for curriculum that i've spent hours researching.  he cooks the family team breakfast on weekends. he's the vacation planner and tour guide.  he's my help-mate.  he's a keeper.  we wouldn't trade him.  even for another homeschool dad who teaches french.  besides, he gives the bestest hugs.

the mom-taxi van.  oh, yes, it is full of broken handles, an air conditioner which only runs on high - causing an embarrassing awful noise, a hood-liner falling on our heads, etc.  however... for the past 3 years, it has carried priceless cargo without the expense of a monthly note.  for that... i am thankful.  

i will try not to complain about a monthly note when purchasing a new mom-taxi... for it, too, will be carrying precious cargo.




housework.  how many times have i wondered aloud to myself when the rest of the team will become more diligent in this category?  but the piles that begin to overwhelm me at times serve to remind me that i have people to care for... and who love me in return.

see the lips i found on the mirror?  there are two more just like it... all side by side.  they are still there.  i have an inkling who left them.  no, not the hubs. *giggle*

these are the things i will one day miss.  my mama heart even wants to preserve the messy moments.  well, maybe not the dust on the mirror... just the lips. ;)

i guess what this blinking cursor is trying to say is that life is sometimes messy...

 

but if i keep my thoughts and eyes up.  
on what really matters.  
it all falls into perspective.


maybe that's why i have an affection for the sky... 
when you're looking up,
everything else fades into the background.

counting blessings

our most recent weekend was not the family-fun-errand-outing-weekend we're used to upon hub's return home from... where did you go again this time, hun?  indianapolis?  i think that's it. 

gracie's symptoms hit her harder thursday night.  an early flu?  nothing a little knowledge and run to the vitamin store couldn't tackle.  friday morning, we retrieved hubs from the airport.  needless to say, friday and saturday were good times.  did i mention hubs was sick, too?  yeah.  poor guy.  no grillin' goin' on in our hizz-ay over the weekend. 

my poor momma and wifey heart.

thankfully, nator was well... and eager to help.  she's a handy girlie to have around.  nurturing seems an innate quality in this little bundle of joy.  she's gonna make a wonderful wifey and mother... one day. 

sunday, theater called a 4 hour rehearsal.  we tucked dad in at home, while nator and i tucked gracie in at the theater.  she was feeling well enough to watch and say a few lines.

we also got word from a dear family member that their health is potentially more serious than your momentary flu.  sometimes, life just seems unfair.  it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel in those moments.

i have to be reminded that they are just that.  moments.  

it's up to me as to how i react.  i know that.  but sometimes... well, i honestly want to throw a good two-or-three-year-old-tantrum.  our hearts are tempted to become anxious.



then... i'm reminded of his goodness.  god's goodness.  and all that he's done for us already.  for starters, the gift of his son.  it's all perspective, really.

light is to darkness, as thankfulness is to complaint.


so this holiday season, while we are working on a stuff-mart list of wanted-fun-items under the tree, we also remember what's important.  the needed things that can never be wrapped...


pure love.  cherished family memories.  hugs till you can't breath.  laughter till your tummy hurts.  health.  wellsprings of patience.  trust.  kindness.  honesty.  true beauty.  perseverance.  close friendship.  seeing the goodness in others... and yourself.  hope for what is to come.  child-like faith.  compassion.  loyalty.  and joy... unspeakable joy.

and may you have it all.  pressed down, shaken together, and running over.  completely full. 

counting blessings.  as numerous as the stars.  

or christmas lights.

Trick, Treat, or Unicef

see their "trick-or-treat-for-unicef-give-to-the-children" faces?  after a few years, they just about have the look down, yes? ;)

hubs and i are so proud of our girlies.  {warning: bragging parent alert.  you know, unlike all the other posts. *ehem*}  

we can chalk up another halloween to spare change for unicef.  this year, they managed to round up $42 from our lil' neck of the woods.  that makes their grand total, so far, $102.

did we mention how proud we are of them?



we dressed jazzy in a tutu to add to the cuteness. dodged mosquitoes {nator called them vampires}, candy {nator said it made her proud to say no to the candy. gracie was bribed with promise of homemade cookies.}, cars, and a number of people that don't live in our neighborhood. 

they managed to evade the scariest of homes.  {their parents were thankful}  our neighborhood really comes to life for this holiday.  crazy people. 

in all honesty, there's not a scary bone in these sweet lil' gurls. ;)

evading scary homes and candy, we made our way to one of our favorite mexican restaurants to load up on calories. {and it was 'kids eat free'... that was a treat!} then mom made oatmeal cookies.  

muy logical, no?

dancin' in the rain

today, we enjoyed a relaxing-family-day!
and guess what?!
it's been raining aaaaaall day.
i'd almost forgotten what those rainy dayz were like.

oh, how i've missed them!

when taken for granted, rainy dayz have the potential to be cumbersome...
in the midst of the daily grind.

when they are few and far between...
mom might tell you to go outside.
and you might look at her, like... huh?!

then...
one free-spirited child might dash out the door, without hesitation.
the other might contemplate it, then decide it would be okay...
with umbrella in hand.

these pictures captured our second shower over the summer.

there were maybe 3, total.

this one lasted 5 minutes.

literally.

then disappeared as quickly as it came.

the first shower, very light, lasted 2 hours.

and we wonder why our grass is not the plush lawn of our dreams?

even a 5 minute rain shower is something to get excited about in this texas drought.

today, the girls played on the trampolene for a few minutes.  rain was no deterrent.  then, they had an unexpected play date, when a friend needed me to keep her kids.

all had a blast this afternoon...

in the midst of the rain.

changes

i thought when the girls were little
that as they grew older...
things would get less busy.

go ahead.
you can laugh.

i've come to realize over the years that things simply...
change.



instead of poopy diapers, middle of the night feedings, foreign objects in mouth, bulky car seats, and abc's...

i'm scheduling activities, shuttling the weary mom-wagon to and fro, discussing presidents, mending hurt feelings, and sore feet.

all with a side of insomnia to boot.

it could be hormones... or the schedule.
all i know is that a dose of melatonin has done wonders.
hubs suggested it for me.
you know, since your body makes less of it as you have more birthdays.
he uses sneaky wording.



this young lady.
our a-nator.
{only we never call her that name.}
has seen many changes in her piano ability these past 11 months.

she was so excited to show off her private work in public at the end-of-year-recital.



we couldn't be more proud of our girlies.
they keep us on our toes.
but we wouldn't have it any other way.

we hold these moments close to our hearts.
one day... these girlies will be on their own.
giving this mama a whole new set of things to think about...
before the melatonin kicks in.

attitude of gratitude

What do you do when your kids are a bit under the weather, preventing your normal routine?  I'm a bit drained, myself.  But if you are/have been a mama to sick kids, then you already understand the emotional and physical toll it can take.

Not to mention... so behind on leaving comments on blogs.  But my friends are forgiving, right? ;)

Homeschool... and home projects seemingly came to a halt today.  Gracie is doing much better {just a lingering-dry-cough, and a bit-stir-crazy}, while Nator is moaning with waves of nausea {no high fever though}.  Stupid flu bug.

In these moments, it's easy to see the glass as half empty.

I figure this, like all of life's circumstances, gives opportunity for a response.  I made the choice yesterday {yes, a conscience choice} to respond with an attitude of gratitude.   That's better than throwing a 2 year old tantrum, right?  It's certainly what my mama heart wants to do.  But there are many who have it worse {much worse} than we do.  So, no complaints here.

While watching Extreme Makeover Home Edition, our girls sometimes say they wish we could be on that show.  Sure, we cannot afford many lavish indulgences, but I remind them just how blessed we truly are.  Thank God we wouldn't qualify as candidates for such a show. 

In counting little blessings today, often taken for granted, I'm thankful for:

 1.  blueberry pancakes.  of course, i start with food.  these are not in order of importance.  well, maybe.  maybe not.


 2.  knowing that He will never turn His back on me.  never.


 3.  random, unexpected, appreciated texts from my hubs.

 4.  spontaneous hugs from my girls.

 5.  my super-powers.  for looking past the clutter and dust... for a time.


 6.  bubble bath.  when life's messes seem overwhelming.

 7.  my girlie's tastes in tulle for mom's homemade tutus.

 

 8.  home remedies.

 9.  time.  to cuddle and run my fingers through strands of my lil' girls' hair.

10.  leftovers.  it's what's for dinner.

to be continued...

What little things are you thankful for today?