counting blessings

our most recent weekend was not the family-fun-errand-outing-weekend we're used to upon hub's return home from... where did you go again this time, hun?  indianapolis?  i think that's it. 

gracie's symptoms hit her harder thursday night.  an early flu?  nothing a little knowledge and run to the vitamin store couldn't tackle.  friday morning, we retrieved hubs from the airport.  needless to say, friday and saturday were good times.  did i mention hubs was sick, too?  yeah.  poor guy.  no grillin' goin' on in our hizz-ay over the weekend. 

my poor momma and wifey heart.

thankfully, nator was well... and eager to help.  she's a handy girlie to have around.  nurturing seems an innate quality in this little bundle of joy.  she's gonna make a wonderful wifey and mother... one day. 

sunday, theater called a 4 hour rehearsal.  we tucked dad in at home, while nator and i tucked gracie in at the theater.  she was feeling well enough to watch and say a few lines.

we also got word from a dear family member that their health is potentially more serious than your momentary flu.  sometimes, life just seems unfair.  it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel in those moments.

i have to be reminded that they are just that.  moments.  

it's up to me as to how i react.  i know that.  but sometimes... well, i honestly want to throw a good two-or-three-year-old-tantrum.  our hearts are tempted to become anxious.



then... i'm reminded of his goodness.  god's goodness.  and all that he's done for us already.  for starters, the gift of his son.  it's all perspective, really.

light is to darkness, as thankfulness is to complaint.


so this holiday season, while we are working on a stuff-mart list of wanted-fun-items under the tree, we also remember what's important.  the needed things that can never be wrapped...


pure love.  cherished family memories.  hugs till you can't breath.  laughter till your tummy hurts.  health.  wellsprings of patience.  trust.  kindness.  honesty.  true beauty.  perseverance.  close friendship.  seeing the goodness in others... and yourself.  hope for what is to come.  child-like faith.  compassion.  loyalty.  and joy... unspeakable joy.

and may you have it all.  pressed down, shaken together, and running over.  completely full. 

counting blessings.  as numerous as the stars.  

or christmas lights.

the post that will never be and spilling beans

most of my {favorite} online communication often comes through email.  there, it can be made more personal.

remember quite a while back, i mentioned posting a Q & A regarding the emails i'd received from people related to ministry?? institutional church ministry, to be exact?   i know.  it's been a while.  it's okay if you don't remember.  honestly, i was hoping you'd forgotten. ;)

truth is, i just haven't been able to put words to the heart of this matter.  it's a delicate dance, this subject of church.

truth is, while i do my best to share words of comfort with those who've been wounded by the institutional church, {hear come the beans...} it's not the reason our family has not regularly attended a church in nearly three years.

i heard that *gasp*.

it's okay.  just a handful of years ago, i would have gasped, too.

truth is, we are all at different places, asking questions, and making sense of theology passed down.  many have their own interpretation of biblical standards.  i'm not here to say who's right and who's wrong.  only... i'm there, too, asking questions.  we only know that what we do {after 20 yrs of institutional church ministry} works for our family.

besides... sometimes, i wonder if the lord must grieve or giggle at our seemingly elementary theologies and judgmental thoughts {sometimes... backed with criticism}.

{to know me is to know that a critical conversation tires me more than doing a full afternoon of laundry.  i'm pretty sure, anyway.  let's not test that for the sake of this post, mkay?  ;)  you know... we shouldn't call out the toothpick in someone's eye when there's a 2x4 in our own.  agree?}

the older i get... *ehem*  in all of my studies, and more importantly, in listening to my heart, the theology that makes the most sense to me is that god is a god of love.  we've barely begun to scratch the surface of his unfathomable love.  and for that, i am eternally grateful.  {a scene from toy story just popped in my head. sorry.}

living love is more powerful than a sermon.

{the following video is not suitable for young viewers...}



may i always be willing to see people with {unconditional} love.  loving people where they are and not where i think they should be.

"If you judge people, you have no time to love them."

Mother Teresa

thoughts?

still gonna be my friend?  ;)


{oh... recently, i deleted my personal facebook account.  *heartpalpitations*  it was my last connection with several people we knew from our days of pastoring.   it was time.  but... i opened another one under my blog name.  *nevermind. i just deleted it*  you can  visit me on twitter.   twitter friends are better than google search.  just sayin'.}

relationship: the reason for the season

He had no servants, yet they called him Master. 

Had no degree, yet they called him Teacher. 

Had no medicine, yet they called him Healer. 

Had no army, yet kings feared Him. 

He won no military battles, yet He conquered the world. 

He committed no crime, yet they crucified Him.

He was buried in a tomb, yet He lives today. 

I'm so thankful it was never about sin for Him, but about...

relationship.

{if this doesn't give you goose-bumps, you're goose-bump maker is broken.} ;)

Thinking on good things.

God, and His greatness.

Happy Easter!

Nothing rings in the season of giving like a great wish list!

My girls have already begun their Christmas lists.  Psh!  Who am I kidding?  They have been talking about it all year.  You know, as soon as the birthday hoopla ends, it's all about Christmas.  Sometimes, the two overlap.

It's enough to drive a person insane, at times.  Other times, I'm simply thankful their imaginations are filled with such celebratory wonder and excitement.  Children have a way of making the season a bit more magical.

Honestly, all I truly want, I already have.

Family.

To love and to be loved.

But... if I were to make a lil' list, it would look something like this...

iviscents.  I'm a sucker for a {healthier} yummy scent.  I've had this bookmarked for some time now.  I mean, who wouldn't be tempted by birthday cake scent?  and milk + honey?  The soap, 'frosting' {aka, lotion}, and sugar scrubs.  It sounds like heaven... in a shower.  And it's wrapped in zebra paper.  Yummy + cuteness = sigh.

Speaking of yummy scents, I've heard everyone talk about their yummy-smelling Scentsy warmers for quite some time, and after smelling Granny's, I have scent envy.  Is that weird?  There is nothing like walking through the door to a wonderful scent to welcome you home.  After skimming the warmers, I liked several of them, but "Faith" caught my eye. 

I have a lampe berger that I love, but it has recently stopped working.  Boo.  Our favorite scent has always been the creme brulee.  Yummy.

I'm also a sucker for costume jewelry.  I can't say that diamonds are my best friend.  My husband breaths a sigh of relief.  This lil' lovely from Allora Handmade looks tempting.  The only problem would be picking a color.  I'm leaning toward the red or turquoise necklaces.  What do you think?  It's also time for another trip to Harwin in Houston for costume jewelry and purse finds!

Jo Totes.  It's a purse.  It's a camera bag.  It may be the solution to merging my purse with my Nikon!  Isn't the rosette cute?  I'm a practical girl, but love the whimsical colors, too.  I'm thinking the pewter is pretty posh and would go with everything.  Of course, who wouldn't love a lil' raspberry or teal?  ;)

Speaking of cameras, I've had my eyes on the 18-200mm lens forever some time now.  It would eliminate the need to change lenses as much, allowing dust to land inside the camera.  Or simply miss shots because the camera wasn't ready to go!   Those facts alone make it a need, yes?  ;)  From what I've read, it would also allow me to use it as a macro as well, eliminating another lens from my wish list.  So it's really a 'deal', too.  I kid.  It's an arm and a leg.

Speaking of an arm and leg.  And since I'm dreaming.  Mama needs a new ride.  I've never been a car drooler.  You know, I've never had a 'specific' vehicle I've always loved.   I just know when I see it, I suppose.  I just want something pretty.  Maybe {this time} mom-wagon in function - less in look.  And with working door handles, interior fabric intact, locks that don't spontaneously lock and unlock while driving, hesitate when starting, and blinkers that work.  Or maybe I could simply get those things fixed on mine?  Sigh.  I'm too practical for my own good sometimes.

A Master Bedroom Makeover.  Including new mattress set.  Really.  I've started it many times over the years.  Good Housekeeping says, "Your bedroom should be a serene oasis where the worries of the day melt away."  Ha.  Honestly, in our 'lived-in' look, it's the place where laundry gets piled for folding, and piles of paperwork and misc things go for future organizing {some day}. Not to mention, hub's work desk.  Its original purpose was for scrapbooking.  It was a nice thought.  Sigh.  I've taken to putting pictures in digital books.  Yeah, I should get on that, too.

By the time I clean the rest of the house, I'm too exhausted to care by the time I make it to the bedroom.  Exhaustion makes ignoring the mess easier.  A lil' too honest maybe?

Okay.  Back to reality.  How about cash for clothes?  Say... if you've found at least 20 lbs over the past 4 yrs, your clothes may not fit like they used to.  Boo.  Or better yet, how about someone schedule my gym visits for me... and carve out the time, energy, and encouragement for me to work off said 20 lbs.  Even better.  Harder, but better.  

And due to my practicality, I'll simply be thankful with my new Mac.  We are learning to understand each other.  Well, I'm having to be more understanding than Mac.  That's usually the way it works with gadgets and me.   The gadgets patiently wait for me to understand them.  I will simply think it a gift to make the last payment on this baby.  For real.


If you are wondering about hubs, his list would look something like this...

An iPad.  If money were no object, we'd buy one for each of us, but since it is... Hubby will be first in line.  {One day, Hun.}

and clothes...

I will be working on the girls' lists soon.  They have been circling and initialing our Target catalog like there's no tomorrow. ;)

* Just so we're clear, I am getting nothing {zip, zadda, zero} from these companies.  Just spreading the linky love and cheer.  However, if any said companies would like to make a donation to the Family Team, the Family Team would not be opposed, including car dealerships.  Just sayin'.

*********************************************

But again, truthfully, we have what is most important.

Each other.

The girls and I were reminded of that when we watched Letters to God for a movie night this week. 

There was a tender scene when the young boy asked his mom if the kids at school would make fun of him due to his baldness and fading eyebrows.  She spoke honestly and said, "Yes."  He wondered how he might respond to them, then it came to him...  He would react like Jesus would.

Nator:  "How would Jesus respond?"
Me:  "Good question.  How do you think Jesus would respond?"
Gracie:  "I know.  He would kick their butts!"

And with that, I close. 

But I will let you know that I have a giveaway in my next post.  Yay!  Tis the season of giving!!

On {not} living in Why

 I just don't understand.

I wonder if a friend can help me gain insight.

My friendly companion is comfort for a season, but waiting...

is the hardest part.

Maybe {more} waiting will help.  At any moment, I'm sure I will understand "why".

Maybe pleading will help.  Prepare yourself for the 'pitiable-brown-eyed-puppy-dog-look'!

Okay, let's try being obedient?  If I sit pretty, I will learn 'why'.
Because...

I have to potty now, and...
  they won't let me bring my rawhide outside.

Why??

Boy, how many times in life have we asked ourselves that question when it comes to life, with all of its twists and turns?

I never asked myself that question more than during the season of life in which we chose to resign from church  ministry altogether... after serving 20+ years.  I never could make sense of the hearts and motives of some people in the last place we served.   Honestly?  I still can't, and that's okay... now. 

 Even throughout our transition leaving 'church ministry', I believed that many things in life simply happened due to natural consequences; however, for a long time, I was convinced that the weight of the pain we felt must serve some greater purpose.  The wounds of 'conditional love' were felt deep.    For at least a year, I over-analyzed everything.  Tears were my constant companion.

I know I'm speaking in code, but it took 2 years before one of our staff members came to DK and said, "I finally get it.  You guys should not have gone through that."  It's complicated.  There are many layers, but ultimately it's saturated in politics.  Oh... have I ever mentioned how much I really don't like politics?  ;)

DK kept saying, "People are people, and as long as there are people, they're gonna be people."  I think he repeated it for his own sanity, as well as mine.  Seems simple enough, but it's a great thought to keep in mind.  We're all people. We, ourselves, never claimed to be perfect.  {hard to believe, huh?}

Hubs also gently reminded me that if vengeance needed to be taken, let it be the Lord's.  For the first time in my 'smile-n-nod-Pastor's-wife-demeanor', I was tempted to ask the Lord to let me help Him with that part.  I'm just keepin' it real.  You really can't expect a mama bear to remain docile while someone messes with her family.  {Although, it would not have been right to pray for them as written in the lyrics, Pray For You, by Jaron and The Long Road to Love.}  Just sayin'.

We actually feel sorry for them now.  It takes a broken person to desire damaging someone else.

I didn't understand why God would want us to have this experience.  What possible purpose could it serve?  Today, I don't believe He wanted us to.  We should have resigned when we first felt the nudging in our hearts.

Other than being reassured of God's love, what {finally} gave me the peace I needed?

Strangely enough, it was realizing that even in some of life's most painful seasons... gulp... we don't have to respond with 'why'.  Truthfully, it may not serve a greater purpose in the tapestry of life.  Thankfully though, God will make it beautiful when He gives beauty for ashes. 

Sometimes... it's just life, even in the big stuff.  I don't know why I didn't allow myself to come to this conclusion years ago.  

I know many will disagree.  I'm okay with that... I think.  Just keep any comments nice, mkay? :)  Honestly, the me from years ago would have disagreed with the me today... on many thoughts.

After coming to this light-bulb moment, DK asked me if I loved him more after resigning from church ministry.  I gave him the confused puppy dog look.  He said, "Let me rephrase that.  Do you like me more?"  I still couldn't imagine what he meant by that, so I said, "No, I like you the same."  Then, I asked him the same question.  His answer?  "Yes."

I said, "What? Why do you like me more?"

He replied, "You just seem so much more... relaxed."

It's true. I've come a long way.  Realizing that everything is not so... black and white, is quite liberating.  The shackles of religion are heavy.  Relationship in Christ without shackles = peace = relaxing.

Ummm... Did anyone follow that?

What I've learned... besides the fact that this is the longest post ever.

• to trust my heart more.  That's where God resides, and I know I can trust Him.  He works it all out for good.  We pray that for our girls, too.

• that I need to change the songs on my workout iPod before I get completely bored with them and use it as an excuse not to go to the gym.  If not, the cellulite monster may start taking over.  Oi.

• that it's okay to ask questions and not have all the answers, even the tough questions religious institutions seem to always have a generic answer for.  Having all the answers is a sign of having 'religion' anyway, right?  My desire is relationship without religious 'bling'.

• that I will get dizzy when trying to mirror my girls' ballet spins. 
• just when I think I know stuff, I'm really just getting started.

• that asking and knowing why is not as important as it used to be, and I'm okay with that.

Look how I transitioned from Jasmine's need to go potty into what I'm learning.  Over the years, my gift of turning anything into a spiritual devotion was one of my many quirks.  My quirks haven't lessened, they've only changed.

Aren't you glad I spare you?

You're welcome.

{Oh... By the way, don't worry. Jasmine let me hold her rawhide while she excused herself to the 'ladies room'.  She didn't ask me why I had to hold it for her.  She just trusted me.  There's a spiritual lesson there, too, but I'll close... for now.}

Happy Birthday Dear Jesus

I love God because...

...He is so big, He does not fit in the Bible.

...He remains steadfast when others may give up on the first true

test of friendship.

...He did not create religion {neither is He bound by it}.

...His Word is not scripture, but alive and well in Jesus.

...the same voice that commanded creation

loves me enough

to whisper my name.

...as much as I have lifted my voice to Him,

He {joyfully} sings over me even more.

...His peace can calm the biggest storm.

...He is not impressed by my sermons,

but by my heart {and He knows mine}.

...I make bad choices and He never fails me.

...the expanse of His love is bigger than I could ever imagine.

...as much as I love my children,

I know His thoughts toward them are more than the grains of sand.

...He is not shaken by my {many} questions.

 ...He has my future in His hands.

 ...I can call Him Father and He delights in it.

...He is.

"He's Indescribable."

I simply love Him.

While I'm on an American Idol Kick...

I wanted to give props to Kris Allen. Love this song...

Waffles & Spaghetti

I've never read the book, Men are like Waffles, Women are like Spaghetti. I probably should. I've quoted the title so much over the years. When DK asks me what's wrong when stressed, I just tell him that I'm having a spaghetti bowl moment. I don't think I could explain the premise of the book better than this website. You will never look at those squares in your waffle or long noodles the same.

Early in our marriage, a friend of ours asked DK if I was really as simple as I came across. That's funny, huh? I can see how I might be perceived that way at times. I'm not a high-maintenance girl and I'm the type of personality that could potentially pass-out at the thought of a spot-light. I've been in the spotlight, but I don't always enjoy it.

As a matter of fact, I had the biggest 'never say never' moment of my life when I spoke for my husband while he was pastoring... on Mother's Day. Everything went great, considering I stayed standing. It had depth & humor... It was great. I've learned that preparation is key. I just had to block out the fact that a District Official was there. Actually, it wasn't a big deal to me, but others made a big 'ta-dah' out of it. Titles don't impress me... but that's not the point here. Oh, and he liked it... but still, not the point here. ;)

I'm sure you're wondering what DK's response was? He said, "Yes, simple.... Simply complicated." Nice, huh? For years I thought I was just 'complicated'. I never seemed to attain the requirements of the Proverbs 31 Woman... at least not all at once (that's the point anyway, isn't it?). That was... until I viewed myself as being made in the image of God... fully. Have you ever read Captivating by John (author of Wild at Heart) & Stasi Eldredge? It's one of my favorites. In reading this book, I understood my desire to be pursued. I realized that all of the traits I hold as a woman were there because I was made in the image of God.

What a relief! I'm not complicated. I'm just a mystery to be pursued and unveiled, just as we should pursue God. I can't help it... I take after my Father.
Oh... and DK? Well, he may not admit it, but I'm sure he is intrigued by the mystery (times 3 ;) under his roof.

God's Little Princess

"I'm a Princess"

Those are shirts I never bought for my girls when they were really little. I always associated those words with someone who thought of themselves greater than others. I didn't want to raise a 'snob in training' if you know what I mean?? That was, until I read "Gigi, God's little Princess" to my girls. I was convicted.

We ARE Princess'... God's little Princess'.

Bring on the Princess T-shirts, tiaras, tutus and all!

We recently took the girls to their 3rd Disney on Ice show. What was different this time? My girls didn't wear their princess costumes. Partly because we wanted the destination to be a surprise. However, if I thought they would have (and still fit them), I would have put them in full costume (complete with makeup) as we have done in times past.

*Deep Sigh*

My girls are growing up, but they will always be a princess.

God's... mine and their Daddy's.

Some pix during Intermission.

Gracie, look at the camera...

Reverse Psychology.... ok, don't look at the camera.

Now she won't stop looking at the camera.

Wow. Does this face scare you as much as it did me?!! Is there not an 'extra tiny' size option for pictures like this? I sometimes play this expression up for the sake of the camera, but at some point I remember feeling like this on the inside.

The row in front of us kept getting up and down and up and down and up and... well, you get the picture. I wanted to put the adults in time-out... especially for buying everything that walked by only to be followed by questions from our girls as to why they can't have it all.

*insert momentary lapse of sanity and h-mama whine*

In the row behind me, the little girl kept kicking my chair during the first half of the show. I am not normally a claustrophobic person, but I don't do well navigating through big crowds of people. H-Mama needs her personal space or does she just have pms?! ;)

Once she starts, she just can't stop hamming it up. I love that lil' girl!

Was this Daddy's momentary lapse of sanity?

Nah... just hamming it up too.

My sweethearts.

The girls said that this was the "best surprise ever".

They say that for just about any surprise. I love that about them.

All in all, we really had a great time and left with sanity in tow... or at least most of it.